WILLIE APPEARS IN MECHANICAL DOPING SCANNER
HPGers –
Did you read the latest Cycling News article on mechanical doping? I was surprised to see Dr. William Monkey’s image on the scanning screen of the device used to detect mechanical doping. (see attached screen shot from article).
I was able to contact Willie, who is now in Korea, to find out why his likeness would appear on a mechanical doping scanner. His explanation is as follows:
“Of course my image appeared – part of my trademark agreement with the UCI. David Lappartient was thoroughly briefed on my ongoing study of mechanical doping when he became UCI president in September. Under UCI direction and sponsorship, I have been recruiting human volunteers for a within-subjects, placebo-controlled, double-blind, cross-over pilot study to determine what advantage mechanical doping gives, if any, compared to WTMB.”
Willie went on to explain that his research is to be published in a new medical quarterly, WTMQ (Willie the Monkey Quarterly). Willie told me in confidence that he is encouraged by the early results, which show WTMB to be far superior to mechanical doping, AND impossible to detect.
John
HPG Velo WILLIE SETS OFF NUCLEAR ALARM
HPGers –
Willie had posted this photo on Instagram (see attached). With the Winter Olympics coming up, Willie is planning to be in Pyeongchang next week as official team uniform supplier to the Russian athletes. Apparently on his way over, he decided to stop in Honolulu, hack into the NORAD control center, and create a panic by sending out a nuclear alarm.
I whatsapp’ed the Doctor, and he explained that this is a fact: Giuseppi is not playing fair by going to Maui to ride his bike for the next five weeks when the rest of us are stuck in New England riding in the bitter cold or worse (think Computrainer). To right this wrong, he did what only a monkey of Willie’s intellect can do – create a diversion that would cause Giuseppi to cancel his plans.
Did it work? Giuseppi, please check in.
John
damonbates
HPG Bike Blog 